Now, while I was watching the game, I happened to be particularly attentive to my least favorite basketball player, Tyler Hansbrough. I'm not sure what it was. Perhaps the fact that he can make a shot, on the first try, from just about anywhere. But that would make me appreciate him a little, and I don't. So maybe it was his size XXS jersey that he wears, matching his size XXL shorts. But no, that wasn't the reason for my fixation either. I was attentive to Tyler last night because I think he needs to seek medical attention immediately, and not because of some stupid bloody nose.
Tyler Hansbrough, do you realize you have bug eyes? If I were to write him a letter informing him of his situation, that is how it would begin. We all know those eyes. "Psycho T" they call him, but I would wager that speaks of more than just his eyes. The man looks like he's possessed. An eyeball could pop out at any moment. I thought the adrenaline rush of the championship game might just do that.
But in a room with two PAs, one pre-med student, two physical therapists, and a nurse, our diagnosis was a consensus: Grave's Disease.
Yes, friends, Graves Disease is caused by an overactive thyroid gland, which just means all the things that jack you up are on overdrive. You're hyperactive, your heart rate's going crazy, and yes, your eyeballs are protuding out of your face. Just take a look:
Kind of freakish, huh? Now take a look at Tyler Hansbrough:
Not convinced? That's fine. There are others out there making a definitive diagnosis. Check this out:
I rest my case. I will admit, his hard work and dedication paid off, and I'm sure his whole family is proud of him. I may still think he's an arrogant jerk, but at least I have enough decency to be concerned for his health. Alright, that's enough press time for one lame basketball player. Oh and Tyler? Hit up an endocrinologist before the draft, K? Cool.
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